I watched Sheri as she sang with the lively group leading worship. Courageous, I thought, for I knew of a heavy sadness behind her smile. She had faced a recent wave of deep personal and family hurts. On many days, the weight of her circumstances left her without options, barely coping.

As I watched her that Sunday morning, I couldn’t help but wonder. If my friend could sing and successfully hide her pain, what heartaches might lie beneath the seemingly confident expressions of others I know?

Over the next weeks, Sheri worked through her issues and grew stronger. She confided in a few of us who listened, prayed, and helped with simple chores to lighten her load. Healing took time, but the support she received made all the difference.

Unfortunately, as I discovered, some people choose to hide their pain and are less likely to seek needed support. In particular, I mean those who self-injure.

Like Jackie.

Deeply wounded by childhood events and hoping to calm her overwhelming anxiety and anger, Jackie purposely cut and burned herself. I knew her for months before I discovered this part of her story.

Over time, I learned more about self-injury and watched the national statistics on reported self-injury climb from 1 percent to 4 percent. Most revealing was a study released in collaboration with Brown University in July 2007. Lloyd-Richardson and colleagues conducted an anonymous survey of 633 students (average age 16) from five high schools. Forty-six percent reported they had participated in some form of self-injury within the past year. Sixty percent of those described their self-injury as being moderate to severe.

Although self-injury, due to its secretive nature, remains difficult to study, Cornell University has persevered, including a 2007 survey of college mental health providers and secondary school counselors, nurses and social workers. Almost all respondents agreed that self-injury has become increasingly prevalent over the last several years

With each released report, I have noticed that although studies and media attention increase awareness, those who intentionally self-harm still seem to keep their struggles a secret, even —and sometimes especially —from the people in their own homes.

I wanted to help. Could I make myself available as a mentor or friend to someone struggling with self-injury? Even when that person, who might need and want support, is reluctant or afraid to make his or her pain known?

Ratcheting Up Awareness
David shared the reasons for his own reluctance: “I pretty much just tried to make everyone think I was OK and wasn’t crazy. I was mostly afraid of being put in a mental hospital. I just pretended and acted normal, and I always cut on my thighs so no one ever saw.”

By then I knew many of the typical signs of self-injury — including cuts and unexplained injuries, long sleeves even in hot weather, depressed or withdrawn behavior. Still, David’s response emphasized how easily I could miss someone who is crumbling inside and desperately attempting to cope, possibly through self-injury.

Gaining a deeper understanding of what is involved in self-harm is important. Even more crucial is sharpening our awareness of those around us who are in pain.

I read what Jesus said in John 15:12 (NAS): “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.” Yes, He loves me. Every day He gets involved in the messiness of my life. Am I willing to daily ask Him to heighten my alertness and compassion so I can be more attentive toward the deepest, most painful needs around me? I hope so.

Planning for Purposeful Action
The friends of the paralytic in Luke 5 inspire me. They cared, so much that they would do whatever it took to get him to Jesus. Their plan: Find a cot and carry the man to the place where Jesus could be found teaching and healing. But when they arrived, they discovered a crowd too thick to push through. Plan B: With ingenuity and determination, they hoisted the cot with their friend up to the roof, where they removed a tile and lowered him before Jesus.

The person who self-injures might — and often does — require professional attention. I can work with her to find community or church resources. And yet I know that deep and eternal healing that touches every facet of our pain only comes through God. So, like the paralytic’s buddies, I can be that determined and resourceful person who takes someone who is hurting to Jesus. Continued availability, mine and others’, can nurture a growing relationship with God in which a person’s healing can unfold — inside and out.

Jennie’s experience further inspired me to pursue this kind of availability. She began cutting herself as a young teen. Betrayed and abandoned by her father, she believed no one could possibly love her or want the best for her, including God. Her cot-bearers helped her discover that God would not abandon her. He loves her and will help her with all her hurts and struggles.

She said, “I don’t think I really knew who God was. I hadn’t accepted it yet. Now I’ve started to believe He is a wonderful God. A few prayed with me, listened to me, and gave me a reason to live by telling me the truth about what Jesus says about me.”

Identity as God’s own, knowledge that He would be with her to give her strength through difficult circumstances, His help to overcome the urges to hurt herself — that’s truth that heals.

Creating a Safe and Inviting Community
After these, I met Liz, Dan, Michael and others. Some felt they had missed the natural childhood experience of learning how to cope with stressful situations. Several said they didn’t feel they had the ability or freedom in their homes to express thoughts or emotions. For some, abuse had been involved — physical, emotional or sexual. Each longed for someone safe who would listen compassionately, respectfully and without judgment.

Could I provide that? It became my prayer.

It can be anyone’s. We may not have the expertise to understand the complexities of self-injury, but we can invite those who are deeply hurting to begin to tell their story. And throughout the telling, we can listen and care. Maybe for the first time, they will discover that talking can be safe. They no longer have to hide.

Someone we know needs the sensitivity and awareness we have to offer, that purposeful determination to take him or her to Jesus. We can begin by simply being available.