“When my two sons were young, I would point at someone sleeping on a park bench or under a tree and say, ‘Look, there is a bum!’ Now I am one,” says 49-year-old Deborah [not her real name].

According to the National Coalition for the Homeless, there are anywhere from 700,000 to more than 2 million homeless in the U.S., only 15 percent of them women.

“I don’t want my kids to know I am homeless. They think I am staying with a friend.” The San Luis Obispo, Calif., resident did not want her picture taken. “My kids would be so embarrassed. This is not how I raised them.”

Deborah, employed as a grocery clerk for most of her life, has been sleeping in a park next to a playground since February 2009.

“I became irresponsible,” she says. “The reason I don’t go to a homeless shelter is because they don’t allow pets. I have my little dog who is 16 years old. I’ve done a lot of things wrong, but he is proof that at least I’ve done something right. I’ll go without food or shelter to make sure he gets taken care of.

“I don’t panhandle, and I don’t sell drugs. I am homeless — that doesn’t make me a criminal.” Deborah sits on her sleeping bag, rolling raw tobacco into thin cigarette wrappers. “But I don’t plan on being in this situation for much longer.”

Most churches try to reach out to those in need, but it is important to know the difference between generational and situational poverty and to understand the different rules and cultures inherent in each. A book by Ruby Payne and Bill Ehlig, “What Every Church Member Should Know About Poverty,” is a resource many congregations use to help change the way they view people living in poverty.

Jim Walter, a retired university professor, used the book in a Sunday school class he teaches. “I think every church should have this book on hand, and use it as a study guide,” he says.

Walter knows that changing preconceived ideas about poverty in the United States starts with being better informed and striving for more effective communication.

“The day after teaching truths from Payne’s book,” says Walter, “I found myself putting together bunk beds for a woman with four kids. She was moving into housing provided by the county, and needed help getting back on her feet after leaving an abusive relationship. We collected furniture, made an effort to stay in contact and pick her and her children up for church. She told us they would be ready several times, but when we showed up, she wasn’t even home.”

According to Payne and Ehlig’s findings, this is typical behavior for those caught in poverty. Churches aiming to be successful in ministering to the poor must understand the hidden “rules.” Walter admits that being brushed off after offering assistance was disheartening, but knows it’s going to take more than just meeting an immediate need to make a long-term difference.

“We have to look at it like this,” Walter says. “We planted the seed, someone else waters, and God is ultimately the harvester. It is a matter of being obedient. We are called to share God’s grace and provision for the poor, whether they realize it or not.”

One of the biggest lessons Walter and his class learned from the book is that people living in generational poverty have long been living off state welfare and assistance programs, and are locked into a different culture.

“There are stereotypes that make it difficult to help,” says Walter. “It’s easy to say, ‘They don’t know how to handle money and can’t budget,’ but that’s not true. People living in generational poverty do know how to budget. They do know how to manage money … but what they value and how they spend money are very different from middle-class Americans. People caught in generational poverty may go from one church to another to get a little money at each, playing us to get what they want.

“Real help isn’t just handing out money,” Walter adds, “but offering to match up those who come to the church for assistance with a ‘care and prayer’ mentor. When there is a relationship established between someone who wants help and someone who is willing to help, a spiritual transformation can take place.”

“What Every Church Member Should Know About Poverty” is based on concepts from Payne’s 1995 book, “A Framework for Understanding Poverty.” She continues to focus on helping educators and professionals work effectively with people living in an often misunderstood culture.

Payne and Ehlig’s book reinforces the fact that “when individuals who have been in poverty are asked how they have made the journey out of poverty, nine times out of ten they will say it had to do with a person who took an interest in them as individuals.”

John and Nancy Gillard, who attended Walter’s study, agree.

“We need to be helpful without being judgmental,” says John.

“It is hard to drive by a run-down house with a yard full of weeds and not comment about the satellite dish attached to the garage,” adds Nancy. “But the scene totally makes sense when you realize that entertainment is a high priority for people who live in the present and do not plan for their future. When people in the middle-class lose everything they own, they are likely to work hard to get back to where they started. But those who live in generational poverty don’t have anything to get back to.”

The study was not only informative for the Illinois couple, but inspired them toward acting on what they had learned. They purchased a former greenhouse and are currently turning it into a two-bedroom home.

“After studying Payne’s book, we knew we wanted to do something that would benefit the community,” says John.

“People in situational poverty have just recently gotten there,” says Nancy. “We want to help them get back on their feet, get a job, and have a safe place to live. If someone’s car breaks down, they may not be able to get to work. If they can’t work, they may not be able to make their rent or house payments, and the story goes on. There is such a snowball effect.”

The Gillards admit that the house project has been quite an undertaking, but working together with others in the community has already been a blessing.

“I needed a plumber,” says John. “When he came, he asked, ‘Why are you doing this?’ ‘Because God wants me to,’ I said. The plumber asked if there was anything he could do to help. As a result, both he and the electrician volunteered their time. It really isn’t about us at all. It’s about what God is doing. I think this program is going to keep growing because more people want to get involved.”

“We have a small board to facilitate this project,” Nancy says. “We are hoping to be able to help a family out, and know that God already has someone in mind.”

Extending a hand to people in need and in poverty situations is something the Bible clearly teaches.

“We need to work together to help stop situational poverty before it becomes generational poverty,” says John. And while there isn’t a quick fix for people living in poverty or on the streets, Payne and Ehlig encourage people to begin by acting out of compassion and a better understanding of cultural differences.

For Deborah, a hand up instead of a handout may be what she needs to get off the streets. Hopefully, in the process she will realize she has value — in our society and to the Lord.

“I never thought I’d be in a situation like this,” she says. “Everyone can use a sleeping bag and a bottle of water, but what everyone really wants to know is that they are cared about.”