The Facts of Life

It’s been a couple of weeks since my dad died after a long battle with cancer and Parkinson’s. I won’t take advantage of my position as editor to eulogize my dad. However, through the slow, four-month process when he couldn’t hear, speak, walk or swallow food, I observed some facts that may be helpful to others. I’m not talking platitudes. All the platitudes I heard are true, but they require faith to affirm. Platitudes like, “When our loved ones die in the Lord, they are better off.” Or, “He is now with the Lord.” These are absolutely true. But I know them to be true by faith, not by fact.

Here are three interesting facts I observed that require no faith to affirm.

Fact #1: Non-Christians can be as loving as Christians. I don’t mean to disparage what my Christian brothers and sisters did to support our family. It was amazing in the volume and generosity of expression. Yet too often we act as if we Christians have the corner on love, like it’s a “members only” blazer we get to wear. This attitude is a little prideful. In the hospital room during the four months my dad lay dying, he was cared for respectfully and gently by some people who themselves were broken and separated from God. Yet they often showed greater patience bearing with his brokenness than I sometimes observe God’s people show one another. How can this be?

I think we misunderstand what sets Christian love apart. It’s not the self-sacrificing nature of it. Non-Christians will lay down their lives for others. The one distinguishing mark of godly love is this: It is directed toward enemies, toward those who have misused or abused us, toward those who have sinned against us 70 times seven. My dad’s time in the hospital reminded me that we should be shooting for more than mere love, patience and gentleness. Those traits in themselves are not the fruit of the Spirit. They are only the fruit of the Spirit’s work if they spring up when people and things are not pleasing to us.

Fact #2: The more you love a person the more you hate to leave him alone in his suffering. As the days wore on, I thought it would get harder to make the multiple trips to the hospital every day to “check in on Dad.” Just the opposite. It got harder and harder to walk out of the hospital. The sheer repetition of contact with his desperation made me sense how alone he felt at night. And so I ramped up my presence. During the last few weeks, I spent as many mornings as possible doing sermon prep at the hospital rather than my study. I couldn’t cure his cancer but I could crush his loneliness.

All around our church — your church — are folks who are suffering alone. They need someone with them. But you and I will never sense their desperation until through sheer repetition of contact we get it. They’re all alone! They need our meaningful presence, not just drive-by kindness. We must challenge our people to find a family or person in need and make contact with them over and over and over — the same family — over and over and over. Then true love might kick into gear.

Fact #3: True faith can’t be shaken by contradictory facts. We prayed for my dad’s recovery. Even some people who have been involved in numerous supernatural healings prayed for him. But he was not healed. I faced those familiar questions of self-doubt: Do I lack faith? Could there be some sin blocking a healing?

Nevertheless, the undeniable facts of my dad’s decline did not undercut my faith in our God who heals miraculously and frequently through prayer. More than ever, I believe that faith is supposed to shape facts. Not vice versa. God’s Word is sure and faith in God’s Word changes things here on earth.

I was reminded that our churches must base everything we teach and expect on God’s Word. Facts change like colors in different light. Only His words endure forever. Whether talking about tithing or witnessing — and yes — praying for healing, let’s live by God’s words as He speaks them, not facts as we see them.

In the end, my dad went to his eternal reward. There’s another platitude that, for now, I accept by faith. But his faith made that a fact — a fact of life.