Thirty minutes after my 83-year-old mother drove down our country road to visit her friend Maizie, the phone rang. "Come quick, Marsha!" Maizie said. "Your mother's been in an accident! The ambulance will be here any minute! Hurry!"

I'd been concerned about my mother's driving for several months, but this wasn't the time to ask questions. I jumped into my car and sent up a quick prayer. I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach as I took off for Maizie's house. I got there just as two strong paramedics lifted my mother into the ambulance. Huge blue and purple bruises already covered her face and arms; blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. "My purse! My purse! I can't find my purse!" she wailed. I held her hand for a moment and assured her I would find her purse.

The ambulance took off, its siren screaming. Shaken and confused, I turned to survey the scene. Heavy black skid marks lined the driveway. The wooden door to Maizie's garage, which had been closed, now hung in pieces. Jagged edges of lumber framed the back of my mother's car. The rear of Maizie's heavy Oldsmobile was just visible through the fragmented back wall of the garage. Rammed through the wall by my mother's car, the Oldsmobile had stopped only when it hit a metal pole in the backyard.

I looked inside my mother's crumpled car. Her purse and glasses lay on the seat; her two hearing aids beeped plaintively from the floor. The deflated air bag, the cause of her bruises, hung limp and lifeless from the steering wheel.

I sighed. Turning to Maizie, I asked the obvious question: "What in the world happened?"

Maizie had been waiting for the chance to tell her story. Now the center of my attention, she told it over and over, her hands flying all about. "She almost hit me! She went shooting out of the driveway, and then she came shooting back! Right through my garage! And she almost hit me! I was standing in the driveway, and I had to jump out of the way!"

The thought of Maizie, a contemporary of my mother's, jumping anywhere might be funny another time, but not right now. Grimly I listened, made arrangements for a tow truck, then left for the emergency room.

My mother lay on a cot curtained off from the rest of the room. She grimaced in pain as the busy staff continued to run the necessary tests. To make sure there were no further injuries, she was admitted into the hospital for a stay of several days. As I sat with her, I listened to her side of the story.

"I was backing out of the driveway. A car was coming, so I stepped on the brakes, but they didn't work. I couldn't stop, so I put the car in drive. I put my whole weight on the brakes, but they didn't work at all! That's when I went through the garage. I don't care what Maizie says; I did not almost hit her!" She refused to veer from her story. She and Maizie were never friends again.

With some investigation I found out that the brakes worked fine. My mother had sped out of the driveway with her body weight on the gas. Unable to stop for oncoming traffic, she shifted into drive, never touching the brakes. The cost? Two cars completely totaled, thousands of dollars of repairs to the garage, a large hospital bill, several painful weeks of recovery and one severed friendship.

A few weeks later, the Department of Motor Vehicles sent my mother a date to reapply for a driver's license. She was incensed. "That could happen to anybody! They're just out to get me because I'm old!"

Much to my relief, my mother did not pass her driving test. Without my having to say anything to her, she did not put herself or anyone else in danger by driving again.
Despite my concern about her previous close calls, I hadn't had the heart to say, "Hand over the keys, Mom. It's time to quit." Now I felt guilty that I hadn't dealt with the issue in time to prevent the accident, but I was also gloriously relieved that there had been no loss of life.

My story is not unique. Older drivers are becoming an increasingly large proportion of licensed drivers across the nation. Few guidelines and support systems exist for either older drivers or their concerned families.

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, drivers over the age of 60 have a much lower rate of accidents per driver than teen-agers. The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) reports that drivers 55 and older make up 25 percent of the driving population but have only 18 percent of the accidents. When annual mileage is considered, drivers over 55 do better than young drivers, but not as well as those between the ages of 35 and 54.

Yet statistics from the U.S. Department of Transportation indicate that a driver over 70 is three times more likely than a 20-year-old to die in a crash of similar force.
Older drivers' difficulties are linked to the physical changes that can occur as people age. Changes in vision, hearing, strength and flexibility, as well as slower reaction time, all contribute. Experts estimate that these functions can fade between 5 and 10 percent for each 10 years of age. The changes can go almost unnoticed until an emergency situation arises.

Some drivers maintain their driving abilities well into their 90s. Others monitor themselves by driving only during daylight hours or only in their own neighborhoods. Still others, like my mother, do not monitor themselves well and need to stop driving. Family members are often as reluctant as I was to confront the problem.

The Post-Gazette News reports that in Pennsylvania, where doctors are required by law to report those who might be unsafe drivers, the state licensing board receives about 20,000 medical referrals a year. Police refer another 20,000 drivers. Referrals from concerned family and friends amount to less than 1,000 a year.

Why are we, as family, so hesitant to step in? Most of us find it difficult to tell a parent that he or she shouldn't be driving anymore, because it requires an uncomfortable role reversal. No matter how gentle and loving we may think we sound, in our car-crazed society losing the car keys amounts to losing one's independence. Ask any teen-ager.
Loss of an older person's independence may also put a strain on a family whose resources are already overtaxed. To my weekly routine of trips to soccer practice, lessons and meetings at work and at school, I had to add trips to the pharmacy and the doctor and two hours each Saturday for my mother to do her errands.

Crossing our fingers and hoping for the best is not a viable solution. Drivers are responsible not only for their own safety, but also for the safety of their passengers, other drivers, pedestrians and, occasionally, property. How can we help older drivers ease out of driving before a situation beyond their control arises?

• Start with prayer to find the right solution to your particular situation. Pray for wisdom, compassion and boldness. Prepare, as necessary, to speak the truth in love (see Ephesians 4:15).
• Take a test-drive periodically with the older driver about whom you're concerned. Watch for how he or she handles turns, lane changes, merging traffic, etc. You may discover that you have nothing to worry about.
• If you have some concerns, check into available resources in your area.
• If you see a major problem, contact your local Department of Motor Vehicles and request that they require a driving test.
• Should your older family member give up his or her license voluntarily or not qualify for renewal, brainstorm creatively and compassionately together about how to deal with transportation. Investigate bus routes and services that provide door-to-door transportation for the elderly. Plan for various family members to share the responsibility on a consistent basis. If you make a schedule, be sure you stick to it! A person who has just lost his or her main source of independence does not need to be treated as forgettable and unimportant.
• Set some guidelines so that you are not overwhelmed. As an only child taking care of my mother, I felt stretched past my limit and began to feel resentful. Finally, I requested two-day advance notice on doctor appointments, errands or prescription refills.
• Be both compassionate and realistic. When keeping up with my mother's frequent doctor visits became almost impossible for me, I hired a friend to take her to appointments and errands while I was at work. Freed from constant pressure, I could enjoy the times I took my mother out.
• "Honor your father and your mother ..." (Exodus 20:12) does not mean to run your parents' lives for them, nor to allow them to run yours. It does mean to bless and respect them, to enjoy them and to treat them with dignity

AARP Pamphlet: "Older Driver Skill Assessment and Resource Guide" (#14957)
AARP Fulfillment
EE 01251
601 E. St. NW
Washington, DC 20049

Two Other Pamphlets
"Addressing the Safety Issues Related to Younger and Older Drivers, A Report to Congress" Jan. 19, 1993. Internet. Available at www.nhtsa.dot.gov/people/injury/olddrive/pub/yorept.htm/.

Block, Diana. "A Hard Choice for the Aging: When to Stop Driving." Jan. 24, 1999. Internet. Available at www.post-gazette.com/healthscience/19990124drivers2.asp (Nov. 4, 1999).