One lunchtime at work, I sat with a group of co-workers discussing why I had become a Christian.

“If God is real, show Him to me,” said one co-worker.

“Yeah, I don’t get this Jesus stuff. When you say you believe, it’s more like you’re hoping He’s real,” added another.

“Can you feel the wind?” I replied. “You can’t see it, but you feel it and see its effects all around you. It’s the same with accepting Jesus. You can’t see Him, but you know He’s real and can see the effect He has on your life.”

I felt good about that simple analogy. I like standing up for my faith, I thought as we finished our lunch.

Two hours later, my boss met with us during break time. A huge, intimidating man, he often berated anyone who didn’t agree with his views.

“What do you think of Christianity?” a co-worker asked him.

“It’s for sissies. It’s just a crutch for weak-willed people,” he replied.

My co-workers stared at me as I felt the blood drain from my face. I can’t say anything; he’ll attack me! I thought. One of them smirked at me. “He’s talking about you, sissy,” he seemed to say. Embarrassed, I avoided his gaze and didn’t say a word.

I had just had an “Elijah moment.”

Elijah moments are times when I turn my back on God in faith-challenging situations. Why do I do that? Because I shift my focus from Him to my circumstances. The same thing happened to the prophet Elijah. First Kings 19 tells his story. After he performed a series of miracles, his faith nose-dived when he faced adversity.

We’ve all had moments like these. No matter when they occur, our reaction to an Elijah moment can greatly affect our relationship with our Heavenly Father. We can turn to God for forgiveness and find greater strength to face future trials. If, however, we run from Him and try to hide our humiliation, we’ll run straight into a spiritual wilderness.
How did Elijah react? How did I react?

crumbling under pressure
What kind of Christian am I? I won’t defend my faith! I chided myself as I left that meeting. By being bold at lunch and cowering in the afternoon, my actions mirrored Elijah’s. We read about his story in 1 Kings 17-19.

At Elijah’s word, Israel saw neither rain nor dew for three years. He never flinched when facing the 850 false prophets of Baal and Asherah. God also restored a boy’s life when Elijah prayed for him. Yet Elijah’s courage failed after hearing of Jezebel’s threats. In running away, he chose to protect himself instead of standing for his faith.

I had done the same.

Elijah moments happen whenever we lose faith and courage in trying circumstances. In Hebrews 12:2, however, the writer encourages us to remain steadfast by fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. No matter what trials He faced, Jesus never wavered from proclaiming who He was or accomplishing God’s will. The Pharisees couldn’t intimidate Him. Neither did the masses. When faced with the cross, He endured its pain and shame without hesitation.

hiding from god
When we succumb to Elijah moments, fear and self-rejection can drive us from, rather than to, God.

In the days that followed the break-time incident, I ran from Him. Guilt and shame drove me into a spiritual desert. Devotions? Forget it. Prayer? No way! I had denied my Lord and wasn’t going back to Him clothed in betrayal. This may seem harsh. But in the light of Jesus’ flintlike faith, I cringed at my inadequacy.

Friends tried to encourage me after I told them what I’d done.

“I know you’re hurting,” one said. “But Jesus took your failures upon Himself. He promised never to leave you or forsake you.” I refused to listen, preferring to sulk instead. My actions reflected those of Elijah. He ran to a desert just outside of Beersheba. He had lost hope. “I have had enough, Lord. … Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors,” he moaned (1 Kings 19:4).

God tried to restore Elijah by giving him rest under a tree. He also sent an angel with food and water. The supernatural energy Elijah gained only fueled his resolve to run further. Forty days later he found solace in a cave at Mt. Horeb (1 Kings 19:9).

testing the heart
It’s easy to proclaim my faith in places like church, where bold words flow easily from my lips. I’ve found, however, that Elijah moments reveal my true self.

Throughout the book of Proverbs, the word “heart” often refers to the mind, will and emotions. When my heart fails to sustain my faith, God sometimes gently probes me with questions to help me understand why this happened so that I will turn back to Him. God used this method in Genesis 3:9 after Adam had eaten the forbidden fruit. “Where are you?” God asked. He wanted Adam to see his true condition.

God also used this tactic with Elijah in 1 Kings 19:9: “What are you doing here, Elijah?” In effect He was asking, “Why are you hiding? Why are you afraid? Have you forgotten who I am and the miracles I’ve performed through you? Can I no longer protect you from your enemy?”

In my case, the Holy Spirit tried to direct my attention back to God. He asked, Why have you pulled away from Me? When will you turn back? Aren’t My love and forgiveness enough to heal your hurting heart? Did I listen? No. Instead, I lamented about my circumstances and turned away from Him — just like Elijah.

turning point
Our reactions to Elijah moments can be pivotal in our spiritual journey. We can defend our actions before God, and severely hinder His work in our lives. Or we can admit our guilt, receive His forgiveness and stay in fellowship with Him. Either way, God does not force us to do the right thing; He gives us the freedom to make our own choices. But we still have to live with the consequences.

When God confronted Elijah, He asked him the same question twice, the second time after He had revealed Himself through a gentle whisper. Both times Elijah replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too” (1 Kings 19:10 and 14).

Elijah’s response set into motion a series of events. God told him to anoint Hazael king over Aram, Jehu king over Israel, and Elisha as Elijah’s own successor. Had Elijah answered something like, “I’m scared. I took my eyes off You. I’m sorry; please forgive me,” God could have strengthened him with confidence to face his enemy.

I defended myself as well. I’m not going to share my faith anymore. I don’t like being rejected, and people will attack me again. Besides, no one would listen to me. I couldn’t forgive myself. Self-defeating pride and stubbornness ate at my faith. I grew angry with God. Why did You put someone like my boss in my life? The more I brooded, the worse I felt.

But God wouldn’t let me go.

Memorized scriptures came to mind: “‘Return to me, and I will return to you,’ says the Lord Almighty” (Malachi 3:7). “Abide in me, and I [will abide] in you” (John 15:4, KJV). How could I resist such imploring?

A few days after that meeting, my pride finally broke. Early one morning I jumped out of bed, eager to pray. I’ve been a fool to resist You, Father. Please forgive my self-pity, pride and lack of trust. I felt like the prodigal son returning home. God’s forgiveness flooded my heart as He consoled me as a father would his child. It’s OK; all is forgiven. My love for you hasn’t changed, I sensed Him saying.

not my will
I’ve never asked for Elijah moments. They are painful. But when they come, I’m learning to keep my mind on God in the midst of each one. I’ve also learned that He doesn’t berate me for any weakness I display. That would go against His nature. Instead, He wants to heal my self-inflicted wounds and strengthen my faith. God can use Elijah moments to help me be more like Jesus, if I allow Him to do so. Like Jesus, I want my heart to be fully devoted to God.

In the midst of my Elijah moments, I have a choice to make: I can reinforce my walls of self-protection or allow God to strengthen me so that I have the resolve to stand up for Him.

I’m still learning to embrace God in these instances. Eventually I want to say, “Not my will, but Your will, Father” — just like Jesus did — in every Elijah moment I face.