Sunday school teacher. Children’s choir leader. Crisis pregnancy volunteer. Rescue mission board member. Prayer group leader. Ladies’ Bible study attendee. Bible Study Fellowship member. Praise team participant.

All sound like good things to be involved in, right? Well, yes and no.

Each of the above activities has tremendous potential to further God’s kingdom, but if pursued at the expense of one’s marriage, the results can be deadly. Few of us stop to think how Satan can use even godly things to deceive us and get us off track. My husband has counseled believers who have crippled or destroyed their marriages because they were too heavily involved at church. Some have even been swept away in extramarital affairs because somewhere along the way they crossed the line from just being “brother and sister” in Christ to being “something more”: needy people with no boundaries, guidelines or priorities, caught off guard.

We must remember that Satan is in the business of tearing Christian homes apart. Nothing delights him more. If he can destroy the family, he can destroy the church; and if he can destroy the church, he can destroy society. Sadly enough, he is doing a pretty good job of it. It’s high time we as God’s people woke up and took a good, long look at our lives, marriages and priorities.

All too often, those who serve are applauded from the pulpit and patted on the back by fellow believers for all the long hours and hard work they put in at church. “Why, look at so-and-so! Isn’t she something? I can’t believe all she does for the Lord!” Meanwhile, her marriage and family are all but forgotten. It’s easy to work where one receives so much glory — a little harder behind the scenes in a house full of kids and an indifferent spouse. Where’s the glory there?

If you are married, your first calling (after time spent with your Lord) is to your spouse. Plain and simple. If you are not investing daily time with your mate, nurturing good communication and fanning the flames of romance, then you are deceiving yourself if you think that all your church work will accomplish anything other than man’s applause. We add more and more programs to our church agenda, and then step back and wonder why none of them seem to work. Perhaps one reason is because our marriages are crumpling in our midst, hindering the work of Christ. Our number one ministry (our marriage) is crippled because we have filled our time with other well-meaning pursuits. We are running elsewhere to find the intimacy that lies at our very doorstep.

God wants to use the marriage relationship as a picture of Christ’s selfless love for His church. We have disarmed its power and potential to be a dynamic witness to an unbelieving world. God help us!

We need a change in attitude. We must begin to view our marriages as ministry. And we must never sacrifice them on the altar of what may look right, good and urgent on the outside. We must pray for discernment and wisdom to judge our priorities rightly. As couples, we must sit down together, pray, read the Scriptures, and develop a weekly plan for “togetherness.” For it is by the love we show in our relationships that the world will be drawn to Jesus. The world needs to see solid marriages.

If marriages within the church are just as unstable as those outside, then how are people supposed to see the difference Christ can make? Where is Christ’s love? Where is the truth? Where is stability if folks can’t see it in our lives? What are we modeling that they would even want?

In our pre-marriage days, Chuck and I were drawn together by outreach to other people. We loved doing ministry together. Every Saturday evening we would go down to the Jimmy Hale Mission in Birmingham, AL, eat supper with the residents, participate in the evening service, and then go street witnessing afterward. Hey, cheap date! But we loved it! We got to hone our musical and speaking skills, and meet some very interesting people as well. We even saw a few of them accept Christ!

That’s why today, after 28 years of marriage, if we detect a drifting apart, it is usually because we are not doing enough ministry together. That is important to us. We don’t do all our outreach together, but we make a point of doing most of it that way. It keeps us close, because we are centered together on the most important thing in our lives — serving Jesus. And we can bring to the ministry our gifts and talents to accomplish a similar goal. That’s fun! While we’re building our marriage by doing ministry together, we are building God’s kingdom.

Why not sit down together, regroup in this new year, and decide what your marriage needs? Maybe more daily time together just to rehearse the events of the day. Perhaps more service to one another — a back rub, a foot rub, an offer to wash the car or the dishes. Maybe you need to start praying together. Even five minutes a day can make all the difference. Perhaps an occasional surprise to lift the spirits and bring a smile — flowers, candy, dinner out. Perhaps some outside help from your pastor or a professional counselor. Maybe there’s an opportunity to minister together that has been on your heart for some time, but you just haven’t mentioned it. Perhaps now is the time.

Whatever you work out, do it together and watch your marriage be the ministry God intended it to be! Remember: The marital relationship is one of the best situations in which God places us to build our character and make us more like Jesus. Our love for God will never be greater than our worst earthly relationship.