My daughter Christie was not quite 8 months old as she lay before me in the small, white casket, a satin-lined “doll case” holding my “baby doll,” as I had so often called her. I still could not believe that the impossible had happened. She was gone, and all that remained was the tiny form I had once nestled in my arms.

Although surrounded at the funeral home by hugs and words of sympathy, I felt detached from those around me and lost in a blur of pain — so much so that I still cannot remember much of what was said, except for one comment. I remember it only because its implication slapped me in the face: “God never gives us more than we can bear.”

I had heard those same words often while growing up in the church and had always assumed the statement was true — until that night. As the words sank into my heart, I wondered, Do you mean that if I were not strong enough to bear this, Christie would not have died? Was my well-meaning friend suggesting that if I had been a weaker person, God would have intervened and healed my baby or prevented the virus from attacking her? Obviously, that was absurd! However, if it were true, I wished I had not been strong. (And standing next to Christie’s casket, I did not feel strong at all.)

Looking back over the previous seven weeks, I remembered how my husband and I had tried to bargain with God. We would have done anything to save Christie. Certainly, after all of that, it would seem unfair to lose her just because we were strong enough to bear it. Clearly, if such were true, then the best strategy would be to never grow up spiritually — stay immature and weak, and nothing bad will ever happen to you! However, we live in a world where bad things do happen, and the truth is, being weak will not spare anyone from pain.

I am sure my friend did not mean to imply all of that. She was just trying to give comfort at a time when it was difficult to know what to say. Yet, the real issue is not her well-meaning intention. The real issue is whether there is any shred of truth in her statement. Does God measure out only the amount of suffering He thinks we can handle, and no more? The answer to that question is no. My friend, like many of us, had accepted as an axiom something that is simply not true.

The cause of our misunderstanding may originate from 1 Corinthians 10:13, a verse that deals with temptation: “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

Is it possible that we have taken this verse and somehow substituted the idea of suffering in the place of temptation? We say, “He will not let you suffer beyond what you can bear.” But that is not what the verse says. It speaks only of temptation.

However, as I pondered this misreading of the text, I noted that even in the case of temptation, no one is expected to bear the burden in his or her own strength. This text goes on to tell us that God will “provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” If He does so in times of temptation, certainly He must do so in times of suffering.

Paul understood this. His list of afflictions included beatings, a stoning, three shipwrecks, frequent hunger and many sleepless nights (2 Corinthians 11:23-27). When he reminded the Philippian church of some of these things, he thanked them for their generous financial support. Yet, at the same time, he also told them that regardless of their financial backing, he had learned to be content in whatever situation he found himself, whether in plenty or in need. How was he able to do this? When faced with suffering and pain, he looked to Christ for the strength to endure. Paul said, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).

While we may not experience the same types of hardships as Paul, all of us have experienced suffering to some degree. Whether it is the loss of a loved one, income, health ... whatever the source, Christ’s strength is available for us just as it was for Paul.

Personally, I may never understand why God chose not to answer my prayers and restore Christie’s health. Yet, one thing is certain. I know that God’s decision had nothing to do with my ability to bear her death. Naturally, I hope that I will never have to face such a devastating loss again. However, if that should happen, I can take courage. Not because I am stronger than I think, and “God won’t give us more than we can bear.” Rather, I know that in the midst of my brokenness His strength will be there to help me bear it.